A is for Antidisestablishmentarianism

I'm starting a new blog series - the A-Z of me! I figure it's a good push for me to write, even if some topics aren't going to be that well thought out. 

So, without further ado... Antidisestablishmentarianism – the opposition to the belief that there should no longer be an official church in a country.

Through my life I’ve contemplated the existence of a God. As I stand right now I lean towards agnostic theism.  I think there is something bigger than myself, but I don’t know how or why I believe that.

My upbringing wasn't particularly religious, my parents believed in letting me come to a religious decision myself. But just in case I didn't come to a decision, I was christened when I was 1 year old. I have 3 God Parents. This hasn't had any effect on my life. To those parents out there contemplating infant baptism - it can't hurt. At best you've saved your child from eternal damnation, at worst you got them a little wet.

I was damned minutes before this photo was taken

My primary school had Easter and Christmas activities which were pretty fun, but I was always confused when some children were taken out of the class during those weeks. I was told that their parents didn’t want them knowing about God, which didn't make sense at the time.  It planted that seed saying “perhaps there isn’t…” I mean, it turned out Santa wasn’t real, who’s to say God wasn’t related. Why else would their parents not want them to participate?

So I got skeptical. In high school I joined the Inter-School Christian Fellowship (ISCF) specifically to challenge the other Christian students and ask obnoxious questions like “if God is all-knowing, why does he test us knowing we’ll fail?” and “do dinosaurs go to heaven?” Disappointingly I was informed that dinosaurs do not go to heaven... because they never existed! 2 blows in 1 day! Thanks ISCF! 

It's all coming up dinosaur!

When I was 17 I started going to the Canberra Chinese Christian Church with my friend Emily. I don’t know if she realised I’m not Chinese… actually, it seemed like no one there noticed – and I felt really accepted.  It was wonderful.  I felt my heart swell with warmth and love and I decided that that feeling was God. I had made the decision that I was a Christian!

Having this conviction was empowering!  I was haughty about it too, with this uppity “I’m better than you peasants because I’m a believer”.  I judged people harshly because they weren't as enlightened - that was until I dated a Catholic boy.  I don’t have a problem with Catholicism, but his family looked down on me because I had the wrong version of the same belief. My haughtiness had the stool kicked from beneath it. I was crushed by someone doing the exact same thing I was guilty of.

It was humiliating, to think that I had treated others with this same contempt, simply for having a belief that was different to mine.  I decided Christianity didn’t suit me, and I gave up on God.

So I spent most of my 20s being very nihilistic. Nihilism has suited me, but as I'm approaching my 30s I’m wanting a bit more from my life.  I’m searching for meaning again.

I don’t believe in God as such, but I do believe there is purpose in our existence. I think things happen at certain times for certain reasons.  We’re here to improve and enlighten ourselves. The universe is beautiful and it’s a marvel to be a part of it.  Life is essentially beautiful. 

I specifically am the universe

In terms of being antidisestablishmentarian, as long as there is a separation of the church and the state it doesn’t really bother me if there is an official church or not.  As long as the people of a country are free to believe in what they want, however they want as long as it doesn’t hurt other people, it’s not really that much of a concern. Live and let live.

Today's post was brought to you by the letter M, and the number 3.14