my indomitable spirit

I have never wanted to be myself.

All my life I have wanted to be someone else. The first person I wanted to be was my second cousin Marielle (who I still kinda would like to be). She’s a stunner! One day we were jumping on a bed and she wore this pretty dress and just looked so princessy. For the rest of my childhood I insisted on wearing dresses.

When I was 3 I went to a school in England, and there was a girl called Rebecca who had the longest hair! oh I wanted to be her so much! She knocked over some blocks one day and the teachers were fine with it. When I copied her I got sent outside to the stairs.

When I was 6 I had a family friend. She was pretty and cute and had so many barbie dolls and I just wanted to be her. She has a slight stutter at the time, so I developed a minor stutter for a bit. True story. It was a hard habit to break.

Ashley. I’ve always wanted to be Ashley.

Girls at high school. Girls at uni. Girls I’ve never even met.

Today I decided I want to be me. I want to know who I am, instead of trying to be someone/anyone else. Who knows, I might actually be a decent person. Maybe.

I’ll take the parts of the girls I like and try apply them to myself. I like her demeanour; I’ll drink more herbal tea and be calmer. I like the way she does her makeup; I’ll spend more time gussying up. But I wont try to be them. I’ll modify it. Make it my own. I’ll finally be myself - but without the self-loathing.

I can be who I want to be.

I am Sam!

I facebook stalk you sometimes

"I facebook stalk you sometimes."

Last night this statement was made by a person who I'm aquaintenced with. My reply?

"I facebook stalk you sometimes too!"

Reality, what happened to you? You changed man!

You know who's to blame right? The internet! It used to be us influincing the internet. "Look at me, I'm putting my ideas into public domain," or "look at me, I'm a 52yo man pretending to be a 14yo girl, lol." But now it's, "oh man, this party was great, but I gotta get home to put these photo's I just took on to facebook and edit my status so that every one knows I was just at a party and how incredibly popular I am!"

Serious conversations were had about our stance on untagging photos on facebook. We are living our lives through representations of us living our lives. Why don't we cut out the "middle man"?

Because we are addicted to the "middle man". *Slams fist on table.*

I call a revolution! Let's all go back to the 60's and stalk each other the old fashioned way!

Through binoculars.

It must be love

Once again Sammy has managed to put her cultural foot in it. Though it's not as mortifying as last time, it's still a bit special.

On Saturday I went to a house party and possibly drank too much. There was a lovely Japanese guy there named Masahiro. I got really excited because I studied Japanese for 5 years, and can say important phrases like "my phone number is..." So, asside from accidently giving him my phone number, I might've given him the wrong impression about my feelings for him.

I thought I was being sweet when I declaired "Masahiro ga daisuki desu!" but according to japanese culture this might actually be a big deal. No wonder he called me the next day! I think perhaps I'm taking this relationship a bit fast.

http://japanese.about.com/library/weekly/aa021101a.htm

Muggy

Josh says I focus on the wrong things. He gave me a book called, "what to say when you talk to yourself". I think it's mostly about positive thinking... I'm gonna try find a review of it and just pretend I read it.

Anyway, I sent him some photos of me because I love having my photo taken, and he pointed out that my favourite photos are usually about trying to hide what I don't like about myself, whereas he says he likes photos that accentuate my positive attributes. He think's my smile is my greatest attribute, sadly, when I genuinely smile I feel like it makes my least favourite attribute stand out, (I think it's my chin/jaw/neck/everything).

I dunno, maybe he's a glass is 'half full' kinda guy, and maybe I'm just a 'half empty' kinda gal, living in a crazy mixed up world of mugs.

http://photos2.flickr.com/3687556_42537f63a6_o.jpg

Faux pas

Sometimes I'm a real moron.


The other day I was at Josh's grandparent's place. they're really lovely people, and despite the fact that I don't think his grandfather can hear me half the time, I feel really welcome there.


So I was talking to his grandfather, who's originally from Hungary, and he was talking about how he left his country and went to uni at Sydney. I, with all my tact, asked "why did you leave Hungary?". He told me that his friend and he left to go to uni elsewhere.


I was talking to Josh later and told him that his grandfather seemed a bit quiet after that... and Josh was like "yeah, he's Jewish and there was this thing called the 2nd World War!"


Man, I felt like such a cultural putz!

My life as a sock

I really want to be interesting and insightful and witty in this blog, but sadly I'm about as much of those things as a sock puppet. A sock puppet without googly eyes or felt tongue or wool hair. Essentially, I am a sock on someones hand. Kinda pointless. Unless you've run out of gloves, I'm sure I'm very insightful when there are no gloves about.



But it's summer, and we don't need gloves, or insight.

Suddenlysam

Buongiorno Principessa!

First post, so I thought I'd talk about my blog name, suddenlysam.

Why choose it? Is it that I see my life as merely a shortlived mildly amusing sitcom?

Maybe I like the idea of "suddenly" being myself.

Or maybe when I was 15 I had a ridiculous email address which no one could remember how to spell so I had to come up with a different idea and suddenlysam was the first thing that came to mind that didn't involve numbers or underscores, who at the time were my mortal enemy. We have since resolved our differences and co-exist in harmony.

Also, alliteration rocks my socks.

Conclusion: Don't knock my smock or I'll clean your clock!
http://www.dontknockmysmock.com/