I can't really remember much from the last 3 weeks. This depression is turning everything into a blur. Each day is a battle for survival, you know? Nothing notable is happening; no real crashes, and no real breakthroughs. It's okay sometimes and really difficult mostly.
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| I accidentally fell off the spectrum |
What I hate is that it hurts the people around me. I hate that I can't face talking to anyone. I don't check my Facebook, I don't respond to texts. I feel too ashamed to even go home and see my parents. Everyone has advice and I know everyone's advice is good and in my best interests... but I'm not in for my best interests.
It's really hard to explain; and to be honest, I don't want this to be one of those whiney woe-is-me blogs. I've learnt through bitter experience that it's important to keep some personal things off the internet - crippling mental illness is one of those things. Unless it's retrospectively, like "Hey, wasn't that time I nearly drowned in melancholy hilarious? How self deprecatingly humorous of me!"
So this is my attempt to say sorry, and that I don't think I'll be back until I can write something that doesn't call for a CAT team or institutionalisation.
I'll get there in the end. Just determining where 'there' is and when the end will be.
The disappointment is the hardest bit.
