For example: No one ever told me it’s polite to announce you’re retiring to the bedroom for the evening. The Sam method is to slink off mid-conversation hoping no one notices you’re not there anymore.
The problem with the Sam method is that I’m such delightful company that my absence does get noted.
One of my weaknesses is that I hate saying goodbye. I’ve been seeing my therapist for the last seven and a half years partly because I have this fear of being abandoned, so she can never suggest it’s time for us to maybe wrap up maybe if I wanted. I have another psychologist who I’ve seen twice now, and already I’m thinking, “How can I keep up the crazy so I don’t have to ever leave?” Which, I recognise is its self kinda crazy.
In a shock announcement this week my work buddy Holly decided to resign, effective Friday. Then Minister Rudd one upped her with his announcement to resign. Then Prime Minister Gillard announced there will be a leadership ballot. Holly started a chain of events that escalated dramatically!
I really like Holly; we had some fun times together. She is a bright shining star and I liked basking in her reflective glory. And being quite a loner, it was nice to have a friend 7.5 hours a day, 3 days a week. So her sudden departure caught me off guard and I was a little… let’s say cry-ey.
Change happens, and it’s usually a good thing - change prevents stagnation, but I’m so terrified of things being worse. I don't want to know what work is like without Holly.
I don't initiate change. I'm more reactive and respond if a situation calls for it.
I'm like water! Water responds to its environment. Like when it's poured into a container; it will move with the gravity and will take on the shape of the new container. Water doesn't sit there and go, "you know what, today I think I'll be a tsunami!” It waits for an earthquake to motivate it.
If no one’s there to push the water, it will stagnate and taste funny.
Similarly, I stay in situations – even the ones that make me miserable and taste funny – because I like the familiar and am scared of things being worse. It’s better the devil you know than the devil you don’t.
And that’s why I go to bed without saying good night.
