Samantha 0’eleven

On Mondays when people ask me, “how was your weekend?” I freak out a little, mostly because I don’t actually do anything, and Monday seems to be regale-adventures-past day. I’ll usually laugh with my mild hysteria and say, “oh, I read a book, hahahah, how funny! Again! My how this keeps happening!” but behind my jovial exterior is an endoskeleton of sincerity. And calcium.

I don’t understand how people haven’t realised how awkward this is for us both.

“So Sam, how was 2011?”

Let’s just say that every 7 years you have a bad year, and I’m not looking forward to 2018.

With any luck, in a year the world will end.

“Oh Sam, don’t be so melodramatic!”

Oh. Okay.

This year a lot happened. And nothing happened. I spent a lot of the year lying on the floor waiting. Waiting for time to pass. For each moment to end. Not even waiting for something, waiting for nothing.

Having depression is like that. A long string of nothing with anticipation for more nothing.

So, things that happened in 2011 (on top of the nothing):

I had some cosmetic surgery. Clearly my nose is much hotter this way.

"How you doin'?"

My nana died on February 15^th. She had a metastasis of a breast cancer she conquered in 1985. I’m so glad she did recover back then, because my nana was my hero and I couldn’t imagine how my life would have been if I hadn't had her to confide in and to offer me advice. She was an amazing networker, clever strategist (if not a little manipulative) and an eternal optimist. In my adult years I learnt she was also quite cheeky, and had a bit of a devious sense of humour.

I love my nana and I miss her very much.

Me and my nana being hot stuff at a family gathering in 2007

Then, in a fit of grief, I ran away to a different continent. I discovered I am not a well traveller and spent half the trip trying to get an early ticket home.

Perspective ;)

Perspective :D

Perspective :'(

And that triggered the depression. If I don’t enjoy the wonders of exploring the world, discovering new things, new people, new cultures, well, what really is the point? Life is wasted on me! I don’t deserve this privilege of existing while other people with so many dreams and so much potential to do good in this world are thwarted because of overpopulation – and my contribution to this overpopulation! I suck dry these resources and opportunities for others while having no desire to participate in the experience of living.

My body followed my mental state, and I spent a lot of the year physically unwell; and to top it off I’d fallen in love! Quelle dommage!

Some good things did gone came of this year. I treat myself better now; I’m not so hard on myself, and I eat much healthier (and lost 10kgs doing so!).

I have a wonderful job which I am passionate about, not just the communications work I do, but the philosophy of the whole organisation. My boss is amazing; intuitive, motivating and inspirational! He really gets me. My colleagues are also incredible; genuine, caring and helpful. I love being part of my team.

I also discovered how great my friends are. I secretly always knew, but this year confirmed I have wonderful taste in confidants.

Exhibit A: Friendship

And I discovered astrology and tarot. I know I shouldn’t put weight on the positions of heavenly bodies or drawings on some cardboard, but I find both these things give me insight and different perspectives on situations. I can look at a card and say, “oh, maybe I am being a bit too idealistic.” or look at the sky and think, “Mercury’s in retrograde, probably a bad day to hold a presidential election.”

Note: I did not hold any presidential elections in 2011.

So, the year was okay. I’ll give it a 6.5/10, which is the same score I gave Breaking Dawn Part 1. It’s okay, but I won’t be going out of my way to experience it again. Also the end wasn’t well thought out.

And that’s the end of that chapter.